Wellness leaders and happiness experts all share the same beliefs about joy and relationships. That means talking to the people around you is important for your health.
In his podcast, 10% Happier with Dan Harris, the former journalist explores topics such as mindfulness and meditation, ambition and burnout. And on a recent episode of Matt Abrahams’ podcast, “Think Fast, Talk Smart,” Harris discussed how mindfulness can help change the way we communicate with other humans.
“We need interaction to thrive,” he said in the episode’s introduction.
Some types of conversations can make you nervous, such as asking your boss for a raise or giving a presentation to your team.
Harris, who spent years as a news anchor at ABC, has some tips for alleviating anxiety about these and other types of conversations.
Two tips for communicating effectively — especially when you’re nervous.
1. Plan and rehearse what you want to say.
Before going on air as an anchor, Harris said the best way to ease anxiety is to plan, practice and rehearse what you’re going to say.
“If I knew I had a line to deliver, I would practice and rehearse it well in advance,” he said.
It’s a practice he recommends to others, and communication experts agree with this approach.
“Even if you’re calling a friend you know well or your mom, our research shows that just 30 seconds of pre-thinking can make the conversation go better,” Harvard professor and conversation expert Alison Wood Brooks previously told CNBC Make It.
When speaking, Harris advises not to recite line by line what you’ve written beforehand. He doesn’t want to seem “programmed or robotic,” he says.
However, knowing the big picture of what you want to say beforehand will help you approach the conversation with confidence.
2. Practice “reflective listening”
Harris also recommends using a tactic he calls “reflective listening.” This means “listening carefully to what is being said, and then summarizing it in your own words.”
It’s a tactic he also uses as a podcast host. This habit will help you listen carefully to what the other person is saying and understand the main points.
And if you do something wrong, it gives them a chance to correct you.
In high-stakes or slightly stressful conversations, reflective listening “gives your nervous system time to calm down,” he says. It might help you calm down before you say what you’re planning.
Not only does it prove you’re paying attention, he said, but it also really shows the other person how engaged you are in the interaction.
“People want to know they’re being heard,” Harris said.
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