Amy Cheung, 44, has been coaching people about breakups and dating for years, both one-on-one and in professional boot camps. She has been writing about this topic online for even longer.
Her latest book, “Unsingle,” provides tools for finding long-term relationships.
One of her clients’ most common complaints is the lack of compatibility they feel when dating. If you ask them what they do before a date, many people will say they’re rushing to and from work or on the phone. She says this kind of behavior leaves the other person “numbed during the date.” They can suck up so much energy.
Instead, Chan recommends doing what she calls a “pre-date priming ritual.” It’s a simple exercise that can change “your presence and energy on the day of your date.”
Be in a state of “I am present and calm”
Chan recommends doing one of the following activities 20 minutes before your date. We recommend performing multiple activities if possible.
Watch a video of the aurora borealis Listen to a moving song Take a walk in nature without your phone Meditate
The idea is to inspire awe, Zhang said, expanding an individual’s perspective from their own interests to the needs of others, according to researchers at the University of California, Irvine and Peking University.
She says these activities keep you “in the moment and calm,” as opposed to the stress and distraction that comes from rushing from place to place or fiddling with your phone. “Awe can help you become more connected, more open, and more curious.”
She says all of this leads to being 100% present on dates, which ultimately makes it easier to connect with the person you meet and see if they’re really right for you.
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