As a former world champion debate, Dr. Kate Mason knows that the way you communicate is just as important as your message.
Living in Sydney, Australia, Mason became an executive coach in 2017 and worked for 10 years in communications for companies such as Google and YouTube before establishing his own strategic communications company, Hedgehog + Fox.
Through her work as a communications coach, Mason has noticed a pattern she calls “impressive syndrome.” She says many experts, especially women, are overly self-conscious about wing wavy and “they go out of their way” at work.
These self-deprecating habits “have a sidiopathic effect on their work and status,” she says.
“It leads to underestimating yourself and their work,” she continues.
Mason’s goal to highlight these patterns of communication is not to point out all the ways we are wrong, she says. Instead, she wants to provide resources to leaders, particularly women, who are interested in changing communication patterns.
“It’s like a kind perception. It’s an object, and if it’s not serving you, I want to experiment a little,” says Mason.
She shares the best insights in her first book, “Strong Favor: A Guide to Effective Communication for Women,” which debuted earlier this month.
Masons are recommended along with three phrases that all professionals recommend avoiding in the workplace, as well as a stronger alternative.
“It’s going to take a little time.”
People who use the phrase are often based on “a very kind and emotionally aware impulse” to respect other people’s time, Mason says.
In reality, according to Mason, prefaceting a conversation with “it’s just one second” can have the opposite effect.
First, “You expect others to be very fast,” she says, but “literally takes nothing.”
Providing unrealistic time estimates can bother or disappoint the person you are talking to, Mason says.
“The person is already a little frustrated, like, “Wait, this is going to be just a moment,” in a few minutes. ”
Furthermore, the phrase also sets expectations that whatever you have to say is minor or not important, and Mason says that you can cover your actual message.
A better way to clarify your request is to say, “I’m going to spend an hour on us next week. I really want to talk through A, B, C.
In other words, “All of a sudden, it looks like I’m coming to you with something worthy of spending that time together,” she says.
“It’s just doing more justice to your ideas and yourself to reconstruct it that way,” she continues.
“If not, don’t worry.”
This phrase is commonly used to “soft” direct requests, says Mason, but that is usually virtually untrue.
“There are often urgent concerns,” she says. “It’s very rare for us to ask and really think, ‘Well, if they come back to me, we’ll see.’ ”
“Don’t worry,” telling you that your request is low priority, and Mason says, “It does a little harm to asking.”
On her side, when Mason hears the phrase, she mentally lowers the task below her to-do list, she says.
“If you’re communicating with executives and busy people and you say, ‘don’t worry,’ then if you’re worried, we can get a bit of a clingy situation,” she says.
Instead, Mason suggests specifying the purpose and time frame for your request. For example, “The final draft is scheduled for tomorrow, so we hope you send us your edits by this afternoon.”
As Mason quotes in her book, psychological research in the 1970s found that people are more likely to comply with their demands if they are given a reason behind it.
In that context, people “usually willing to help,” she says.
“I’m not an expert, but…”
This phrase will quickly prevent you from losing credibility, Mason says.
According to Mason, pre-halfing your points with “I’m not an expert” reduces your authority and reduces telegraph uncertainty.
Masons often minimize their achievements when they feel self-conscious, especially when they see them as “strange things” in the group.
Whether you’re the youngest person in the room or the latest to the company, “Whatever that imbalance is, we’re doing it,” she says.
Being aware of your place in the professional hierarchy is not necessarily a bad thing, says Mason, but instead of underestimating your value, she recommends accepting the unique qualities you bring to the table.
“You weren’t hired because you have the same expertise as that vice president or C-level executive,” she says. “You were hired because you have your expertise.”
Masons can “really empower” relying on your strengths.
“If you start to notice, this is what I was hired and that’s the value I can bring, that’s what I want from me, and that’s just how you can put a lot of that hierarchical, status-oriented anxiety.”
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