I talk and write about money all day long. As a result, very few people ask me money questions that I find uncomfortable or difficult to answer.
But a few weeks ago, I was at a party with someone new to the world of journalism. He asked me about my career trajectory and my current job. Do you get assigned assignments or do you pitch your own? How do you balance frequent deadlines with detailed reports? Then all of a sudden, “How much money do I make?”
For a moment, I was taken aback. A close friend would have shared that image, but this was a stranger. It felt kind of rude. Once again, I remembered feeling underpaid in my early twenties and had no idea what other people were making, so I told him.
This situation got me thinking. “Is conversation about salary a taboo anymore?”
Among younger generations, the answer is increasingly no, says etiquette expert Thomas Farley, author of Mr. Manners Monday’s Substack.
The idea that it’s inappropriate for young people to ask about pay is “a completely new concept, especially for Gen Z,” he says. “But even younger millennials, I don’t think they really understand what that means. They believe in transparency. They believe there should be no secrets about this kind of thing.”
In fact, according to a 2025 study by career-building website KickResume, 39% of Gen Z workers say pay is openly discussed at work, compared to 30% of Millennials and 22% of Gen Xers.
Etiquette experts say there are smart ways to discuss pay, and that there’s every right to feel uncomfortable talking about money with friends, colleagues and others. Here’s what you need to know:
How to ask: Temper your expectations.
Part of the etiquette when discussing salary with friends and colleagues comes down to the reason you’re asking, Farley says. If you ask a question because you want to be nosy or just want to know, he says, your question is unlikely to be well received.
“Are you asking because you’re just curious and want to know what someone is making, in a gossipy way?” he says. “I don’t think there’s a good example to ask that question.”
Perhaps you want to know because you want to negotiate your salary. Approximately 56% of KickResume survey respondents said they discovered that a coworker earned more than them for the same job.
One way to find out is to do your own research, Farley says. “There are many ways to find out more about salaries without asking your colleagues how much they make, including checking out crowdsourced career websites and checking out the range of available roles online,” he says.
However, if you must ask, use careful words of persuasion and be prepared to be turned down. If you’re interested in a particular career path, Farley suggests asking for a range rather than a specific number. Also, if you want your co-workers to see the raises and bonuses they received, you can give them the option to share roughly how much they received and let you know if they’re in a good position.
“I have something to ask you. Please feel free to tell me if this crosses the boundaries of our friendship. I totally understand. If it does, no harm done, no foul play,” Farley offered. Then ask if the number you received is correct and say, “Leave it to me.”
How to answer: Set boundaries
On the flip side, it’s good manners to hesitate when someone asks your salary, especially in conversations between co-workers, says Diane Gottesman, a national etiquette expert and founder of the Texas Protocol School.
After all, she says, your coworkers could turn around and tell your boss that you’re sharing your income as part of the salary negotiation. “We live in a more relaxed environment, but you still have to be careful when asking what someone has made.”
If for some reason you don’t want to share your salary with a coworker, Gottsman says it’s okay to set clear boundaries. “You can say, ‘I don’t feel comfortable talking about the economy, because that’s a topic I prefer to avoid,'” she says.
If you want to be helpful without being too blunt, Gottsman suggests quoting the range rather than the number on your W-2.
For the man who asked me the question, Gottsman says, my answer could be, “The range is from X to Y, depending on your qualifications and experience.” She says it’s “no problem at all” if it’s vague.
Farley agrees. “I give you a lot of credit for taking it seriously and answering honestly and openly. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with doing that,” he says.
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