Likeability is important. Mark Cuban says, “One of the most underrated skills in business is being kind. Kindness sells.” Research shows he’s right. Likeable people are more likely to be hired, promoted, seen as effective leaders, and more likely to be successful in sales.
But it all starts with making a strong first impression.
You probably know the basics. Smile, make eye contact, and ask questions. In one Harvard University study, people who asked at least two additional questions were perceived as significantly more likable. Another study found that people who expect to be liked behave in a warmer manner and often leave a better first impression.
But how do you know if you’ve actually made a good first impression?
1. Hearty smiles and laughter
Don’t read too much into that first polite smile. Instead, observe what happens as the conversation unfolds. Genuine smiles, spontaneous laughter, and genuine expressions of emotion are strong signs of a trusting relationship.
2. Eye contact
Consistent eye contact usually signals engagement, but don’t think looking away is a bad sign. During thoughtful conversations, people naturally break eye contact while processing what you’re saying. If they re-engage, it often shows that they are truly invested.
3. Physical proximity
Personal space is different for everyone (your “normal” might be my “too close”), but if someone spontaneously moves a little closer during a conversation, it’s often a sign that they feel comfortable around you.
4. Introduce new topics
One of the clearest signs that you’re building trust is when the other person stops simply answering your questions and starts introducing new topics of their own.
You can encourage this by asking thoughtful follow-up questions. When someone tells me what they do for a living, I often respond, “That’s really hard work, isn’t it?” (After all, everyone’s job is hard.) When you acknowledge that experience, people often feel seen and are more willing to open up. From there, the conversation naturally expands and becomes interesting.
5. Reflect your facial expressions
Another subtle sign of trust is facial mimicry. Research shows that people naturally mirror the facial expressions of people they feel connected to. If you smile and they smile, or you give them a skeptical look and they instinctively do the same, it could be a sign that they’re emotionally involved and starting to share your perspective.
try it yourself
Suppose you meet someone who works in sales. Don’t end it with “What do you do?” Ask appropriate follow-up questions. “You think you have a successful sale, but how often does it end in failure?” Then ask what they would do in that situation. Ask them how they feel. Ask them what they learned and even advice you can apply to your own life.
Next, pay attention to the traffic lights. Are you introducing a new topic? Natural smiles? Would you like to move a little closer? Does it reflect your own facial expressions?
These are all good signs that you made a strong first impression. And the best part is, you almost never have to force it. If you are genuinely interested in another person, you are much more likely to leave a lasting positive impression.
Jeff Hayden is a leadership expert, speaker, and author of the best-selling book, The Myth of Motivation: How Achievers Really Set Up to Win.
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