If you find it harder than ever to get your child to focus, you’re not imagining it.
The biggest challenges I hear in every workshop, parent conference, and teacher training I lead aren’t tantrums, sleep issues, or picky eating. Many times parents and educators roll their eyes and tell me in various versions: “I can’t get my kids to pay attention!”
As experts in mindful parenting, this is not at all surprising. Childhood today looks completely different. I remember long days as a child wandering through the woods with my brother, playing elaborate board games, or just being bored.
Children’s concentration is under strain
Doing one thing at a time (no screen) for long periods of time is a rarity these days. Several factors come into play.
Children are not getting enough exercise. Children’s brains evolved to learn through movement, yet most children today sit for more than seven hours each day and do less than half of the physical activity they need. Technology has disrupted children’s attention spans. When using a device like an iPhone, kids switch tasks on average every 65 seconds, training their brains to expect continuous novelty. Adults who are distracted. When parents and caregivers are constantly checking their phones, multitasking, neglecting eye contact, or responding absentmindedly, children learn that divided attention is normal, and that sleep deprivation and downtime are normal. Between hectic schedules, irregular bedtimes, and screens before bed, many children aren’t getting the deep rest their developing brains need to focus.
Proven ways to train your child’s brain to focus
There’s almost zero percent chance that you’ll be able to completely eliminate unhealthy distractions from your children’s lives, but you can help them build the mental muscle to use them mindfully.
1. Connect with a gentle touch
I learned this by watching one of my children’s amazing early childhood teachers in action.
She notices when a child starts fussing or interrupting, and instead of calling out to them, she walks over (while talking to the group) and gently places a hand on their shoulder. It was a quiet physical connection that said, “I see you, and I’m here with you.”
This same approach works at home. If your child is distracted and needs your attention, try gently touching them on the shoulder or reaching out to them while you talk. Physical connection is calming and helps bridge the gap between their world and yours.
2. Use positive language
Telling children what to do instead of stressing what they’re doing wrong paints a clear picture of the behavior you want to see. And clear instructions are easier for developing brains to process and follow.
When you focus on the behavior you want to see, you’ll hear things like “walk your feet” instead of “stop running,” “keep your hands on me” instead of “don’t touch me,” and “be quiet” instead of “stop screaming.” Every “don’t” instruction can be turned into a positive “do”.
This simple change in language creates a more positive atmosphere and allows you to play the role of a loving and firm guide rather than a nuisance police.
3. Use “It’s next time.”
Instead of “Can you please put your shoes on?” try saying, “It’s time to put your shoes on.” Instead of “Shall I put away the toys?” say, “It’s time to put away the toys.”
Children feel more secure when they know exactly what is expected of them. Save your questions for when you really have a choice. “Are you going to wear sneakers or boots today?”
Questions are for choices. Instructions indicate what you must do. If you practice this, there will be far fewer power struggles.
4. Try a balance challenge
Balance activities naturally bring children into a state of focused attention. Because children need to be in tune with what their bodies are doing at that moment.
When you’re trying not to fall off the tightrope, you can’t help but concentrate. Your child may be envisioning a future in the circus, but what’s actually happening is that they’re strengthening their ability to stay alert while moving their bodies.
5. Remember that serenity starts with you
It’s easy to forget the huge role that our own thinking plays, but just as our children unconsciously reflect our speech and body language, they also absorb and reflect our energy levels and emotional state.
How we show up – scattered or focused, distracted or fully present – has a huge impact on a child’s ability to participate. When we prioritize our own sense of grounding, we create an environment that naturally supports our children’s attention.
Kira Willey is the author of The Joyful Child: Calm the Chaos, Connect With Your Kids, and Create More Happiness in Your Daily Routine. Her work as a parenting expert has earned her a Parent’s Choice Gold Award, four Independent Music Awards, and an ASCAP Foundation Children’s Songwriting Award.
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Excerpted from “The Joyful Child” by Kira Willey Copyright © 2026 by Kira Willey. Excerpted with permission of Rodale Books. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without written permission from the publisher.
