In 2017, after nearly a decade of writing about love and dating online, Amy Cheung launched what she calls “Breakup Bootcamp.” It’s a three-day healing retreat on private property offering sessions with psychologists, yoga instructors, and Chan himself.
Since then, Chan, 44, has continued her farewell retreats, expanding into dating-focused experiences and one-on-one coaching. She’s also written two books: Breakup Bootcamp, about healing from a breakup, and Unsingle, about building healthier dating habits.
Chan gives clients a variety of tips and tricks to reframe their attitude towards dating and open their hearts to love. She realized that people can become closed-minded when trying to meet their loved ones at events.
But, she says, “the person who gets approached isn’t the most physically attractive person in the room.” He is a warm and friendly person.
Among the exercises she assigns, she says, is what she calls “7 days of eye contact.” Here’s how this exercise works and why it’s effective.
“You’re just being 100% present.”
The practice method is simple. Throughout the seven days, whether you’re buying a coffee and talking to the barista, or seeing someone walking down the street, “make eye contact and hold your gaze until you break eye contact,” she says.
You don’t want to look at the person – you still look at the person normally. Keep an eye on them until they do.
“You’re just being 100% present,” she says. “And the idea is that the person I’m talking to is the most important person in the room.”
It’s a “very vulnerable and intimate act”
This exercise works for multiple reasons.
First of all, it’s nice to feel like someone’s attention is 100% on you. “You’ll see people start to respond more positively to you,” Chan says. You’re creating what she calls a “little connection” moment, which makes both you and them feel good.
Second, when you date, it’s a kind of training ground for building deeper connections.
Making eye contact is “a very vulnerable and intimate act,” she says. But so are romantic relationships. “If you can’t do that, how can you evolve to other levels of vulnerability and intimacy that you actually want?” she says.
Do you want to get ahead at work? Next, you need to learn how to make effective small talk. In CNBC’s new online course, “How to Talk to People at Work,” expert instructors share practical strategies for using everyday conversations to increase visibility, build meaningful relationships, and accelerate career growth. Sign up now!
