Disagreeing with people in power can be scary.
As the author of Managing Up and an executive coach to top performers at organizations like Google, Amazon, Microsoft, and NATO, I’ve spent nearly 15 years teaching professionals how to influence those above them.
The most successful communicators are able to deftly disagree with senior leaders without damaging their own reputations. They rarely, if ever, explicitly say to those in power, “You’re wrong.” It’s unnecessarily confrontational and turns a productive discussion into an argument.
But when done correctly, disagreement with your leader can be one of the quickest ways to gain their respect and trust. If you disagree diplomatically, use these five phrases:
1. “That’s a valid point. The problem I think is…”
Find common ground before you start arguing. For example, their concerns about timelines may be valid even if the proposed solution is not realistic.
Acknowledging the value of their perspective shows that you’re participating in the conversation, rather than throwing obstacles in the way by default. It also lowers their guard, so they’re much more likely to hear what your leader says next.
Try this. Don’t say, “That won’t work. We don’t have the budget.” Instead, explain, “It’s a fair point that we need to act quickly. The challenge I see is that the resources have already been allocated, so we need to pull the money from somewhere else.”
2. “I’d like to add some nuance to that.”
Influencers may not have the same ground-level visibility as you. So use this opportunity to highlight trends you’re seeing, feedback you’re hearing, or downstream impacts they may not be aware of.
Frame it as something that adds to their thinking rather than correcting it. Providing another layer to explore also suggests higher-level strategic decisions.
Try this. If a VP claims, “Customers aren’t using new features, so we should cut back on new features,” say, “We’ve heard that engagement is low, but I’d like to add some nuance to that. Users using this feature are logging in every day. That’s an important data point.”
3. “My concern about that approach is…”
When you’re under pressure, your default may be to say things like “I don’t know what that means” or “That’s not working.” These statements can sound critical and criticize the way those in power think.
Shift your focus to the plan or approach that the individual is proposing, and explain specifically what the risks are and why they are important.
Try this. If a department head wants to roll out a new initiative without impacting other teams, say, “What I’m concerned about with that approach is the reaction from business development. They’ve been caught off guard by changes in the past, and not alerting them in this case could cause further tension.”
4. “I would like to confirm that you have taken into account…”
This phrase removes responsibility and assumes good faith. By saying “I just wanted to confirm” instead of “I forgot,” you are treating the objection as a mere oversight or omission.
Senior leaders who are juggling dozens of priorities will appreciate it when you gently highlight missing information without making them feel stupid.
Try this: Try not to raise small personal preferences. Don’t say, “I want to take into account that the format is messy.” Raise legitimate concerns that impact multiple stakeholders and the business as a whole, such as “I want to make sure I’m factoring in enough time for legal review or I won’t be able to meet deadlines.”
5. “What needs to be true to move forward with (another idea)?”
This takes advantage of what marketing experts call the “questioning behavior effect.” When you ask someone about a future behavior, they rehearse the scenario in their head and are more likely to perform the desired behavior later.
By structuring the input in this way, you can get your influencers to visualize the alternatives as possibilities and begin to identify what makes them viable.
Try this: If your manager keeps adding projects to your work, ask, “What needs to be true to make room for (top priority)?” This helps clarify which tasks are non-negotiable and which can be temporarily deprioritized.
Melody Wilding, LMSW, is an executive coach, professor of human behavior, and author of Managing Up: How to Get What You Need from the People in Charge. Get her free training “5 Steps to Speak Like a Senior Leader” here.
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