“The holidays can be a scary time” for couples, says Sabrina Romanoff, a New York-based psychologist and relationship expert at dating app Hily. That’s because vacations often require us to reveal new sides of ourselves to our partners.
Some want to preserve decades of extended family traditions. Some people prefer to keep it low-key. Whatever the activity, whatever the meaning behind it, opening up about what’s important to you can feel very vulnerable.
The ultimate goal is to fuse “each other’s cultures and worlds,” Romanoff said. Here’s how successful couples approach this festive period.
They are ‘open and honest’ about what they want
First, each partner needs to know what they want and be open about it.
Do they want their partner to be included in the family Christmas? Do they want to take some time off and have a quiet Hanukkah? “Being open and honest with your partner can help you both get what you really need,” says Romanoff.
Ultimately, some flexibility may be needed on both sides.
“I think the healthiest couples are the ones who are able to be creative and compromise,” she says. “Christmas Eve only happens once, and Christmas Day only happens once.”
Perhaps this year the couple will spend time with one family, and next year with the other.
they create new traditions together
Second, successful couples build new traditions together.
“That might mean going to Rockefeller Center to see the tree together,” Romanoff says. “Or we’ll get ornaments together.” That might mean cooking a holiday meal or eating hot chocolate.
Building something new together is a bonding experience. “I think that brings a sense of security to the relationship,” she says.
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