The internet is full of stories of adults lamenting their single status, from the many personal essays about being “forever single” to the millions of TikTok videos under the “dating” hashtag of users declaring they “have no intention of finding love.”
“There are just more single people,” says Geoff McDonald, a psychology professor at the University of Toronto.
In 1990, 59% of American adults were married, according to the Pew Research Center. By 2023, this number had fallen to 51%.
Furthermore, “everyone is single at some point,” says Macdonald, a singles and relationship researcher. That’s why he believes it’s important to study “what the single experience is like,” he says.
McDonald, along with colleagues at the McDonald Institute for Social Psychology, studies the demographics of people who tend to be happier single, the sexual habits of today’s singles, what happens when people transition from single to partnered, and what this means for future relationships.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
CNBC Make It: Why have you noticed that the percentage of single people is increasing?
McDonald: It’s probably not just one thing in particular. I think various structural changes are occurring. I think one of the reasons is that there are various technologies, including the Internet, that make it easier for people to live more independently than before.
The more you can get out of the relationship than you can get out of it, the less incentive there is to be in the relationship.
Also, 50, 60, 70 years ago, when women didn’t have as much access to employment, they were more dependent on men for income. And that’s one of the big things that has changed quite a bit in the context of heterosexual relationships.
The incentives are not as strong as they were in the past, when women had access to their own incomes.
Many people lament how difficult it is to find a partner these days, especially in a city like New York. Do you think it’s harder than it used to be, given technology like dating apps?
I’m a rare member of society who is quite bullish about matching apps. In that sense, it’s not as difficult to meet people as it was in the past.
I think the bigger thing is that what people look for in a lover has changed considerably. Nowadays, people are looking for intellectual stimulation, emotional support, and adventure.
I don’t think my grandfather expected personal growth from his wife. Someone had to milk the cow. And there are many people who can do that.
Your research found that certain demographics are happier being single than others. Why do you think women are happier single than men?
Many people still have expectations regarding the division of household labor and other tasks. I think women are expected to do a higher percentage of cooking and cleaning.
I think there’s an argument to be made that men think romantic relationships will reduce the burden of housework, whereas many women expect romantic relationships to actually increase the burden of housework.
I also think a big factor is that women, on average, are better at maintaining relationships than men. Women are better at finding (emotional) support through friendships, family, etc., whereas men tend to struggle with it on their own.
We also found that happily single people were more likely to be over 40 and queer. Why do you think that is?
On an emotional level, people become happier as they get older. You make peace with your situation. Part of it is that your energy levels drop and you literally aren’t as enthusiastic about things as you used to be.
Queers, I’m not 100% sure at this point. People often mention how it can alleviate the pressure of being a partner in the queer community. If you’ve already shed some degree of heteronormative norms, the same expectations probably won’t exist.
Your research shows that income has no relationship to single life satisfaction. Why do you think that is?
If you are seriously thinking about living a long-term single life, I think there are elements that will make your life more enjoyable if you have more money.
You can pay someone to come clean your house. You can enjoy freedom by paying money to go on trips. But we think that once people get to a higher income stage, they’re brought up to a stage where they’re like, “It would be really nice to have someone to share this with.”
What percentage of single people do you think would be happy under such circumstances? In other words, how many of them would actively choose it?
I recently saw a talk where 15% of single people said they were not interested in being a romantic partner. I don’t think all of them necessarily aren’t looking for a partner because they’re very happy being single. But I think that’s not a bad estimate.
Do you think the number of single people will continue to increase?
Personally, I think it’s difficult to predict. We are clearly experiencing a period of rising conservatism, for better or for worse. And I think a lot of the younger generation is probably more focused on romantic commitment than previous generations.
Do you have any advice for people on how to approach different stages of life, both inside and outside of relationships?
I think this is boring and outdated advice. Being good at relationships means being good with yourself, and being good at being single is exactly the same thing.
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