I constantly come across situations where I bite off more than I can chew. Apply to something that sounds interesting, like a theater audition, a local reading, or line dancing.
When the day comes, I find myself standing outside the door with a knot in my stomach. Sometimes you can overcome that fear and have a wonderful experience. Sometimes they don’t.
I’m obsessed with these moments because I believe how we respond to them shapes our lives. When I look back at the choices that have had the biggest impact on my life, they almost always have moments like this. Even though I felt scared, I decided to move forward anyway.
In 2025, I created a podcast where I talked with guests about things they had always wanted to achieve but were afraid to pursue. We talked about why we hadn’t done it yet and agreed on goals to work towards.
After talking with many people about the relationship between ambition and anxiety, I learned some valuable lessons about resilience and success.
1. Just because you’re brave doesn’t mean you’re not afraid.
For a long time, I thought some people were just fearless. After all, it seems like everyone I’ve talked to has felt fear at some point.
One of the guests, Matti Lubchansky, had always wanted to try yoga, but almost skipped the class she signed up for. Yoga studios can be very feminized spaces, and as a trans woman, she worried about safety, belonging, and being judged or even asked to leave. She also worried that she wouldn’t be able to keep up physically.
Before class, she practiced at home using YouTube videos and was amazed at the emotional release. By focusing on the movement rather than the underlying social dynamics, I no longer have to worry about what other people think.
I really appreciated every time a guest admitted they almost ran away. Hearing their stories helped me overcome my own insecurities, especially those that I had recently moved to a new city. They are a constant reminder that being brave means living with fear and moving forward anyway.
2. Small changes have a bigger impact than you think.
When I tell people about this show, they assume my guests are climbing Mount Everest or hiking the Appalachians. The goal is much smaller. Mattie went to the public yoga class. In another episode, guests attended a queer speed dating event.
But I’ve found that after guests do one scary thing, they often feel more comfortable trying other scary things. I realized that the most important thing when practicing is not necessarily the skill itself, but getting used to trying new things.
3. Failure is everything.
For me, putting out a new project like this podcast is an incredibly risky thing to do. Initially, the structure of each episode was set, with little room for flexibility.
The final episode of the season featured Ronald Young Jr., who had learned a piece for the piano and planned to play it for a friend. However, a few days before the recording, he confessed that he was unable to meet his challenge. I panicked.
My first reaction was, no one should let me make this podcast. But even if his performance didn’t happen, we ended up having a really satisfying conversation about failure, and I’ve been thinking about it for weeks since.
Talking with Ronald helped me heal. Because it reminded me that this moment of feeling like a failure is often an opportunity to have deeper conversations with people about what you want, what you need, and what you’re afraid of.
Ultimately, I was excited to publish the episode because I knew other people would recognize themselves in it too.
4. Sometimes the biggest change is the story you tell about yourself
Almost everyone I talked to this season had a story about themselves that was holding them back from what they wanted to do, that they were “unathletic” or “socially awkward” and that their “favorites” weren’t doing what they wanted to do.
They also feared that their attempts would be criticized because they were not the right people to do something. But the truth is, most people don’t pay that much attention to you. The most important person you need to convince is yourself.
Alex Sujong Laughlin is a writer and producer based in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. She is co-owner of Defector Media, where she produces and hosts podcasts such as Try Hard, Only If You Get Caught, and Normal Gossip. Find her on Instagram @alexlol.
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