Two-time Olympic gold medalist Abby Wambach says there’s no need to feel guilty if you miss your kids’ after-school sports practice.
Leaving kids in the care of teammates and coaches without parental supervision can help children become more resilient, conscientious and intrinsically motivated athletes, the former U.S. women’s national team soccer star said in an interview on NBC’s “TODAY Show” on Oct. 21. Parenting experts say all of these traits help children grow into successful adults.
“Drop the kids off…sit in the car, play on your phone, do whatever you want to do, read a book, go for a walk, but don’t go to practice,” said Wambach, a member of the National Soccer Hall of Fame who currently has three stepchildren of his own. “This is a time for kids to play, and they shouldn’t be looking over their shoulders (to see if their parents are watching).”
Wambach said on the Sept. 23 episode of the podcast “Welcome to the Party” that when children see their parents watching over them, “their motivation gets outsourced” and they can become nervous or overly driven to make a good impression.
“There shouldn’t be anything stopping you from trying something new, taking a risk, failing, trying something, succeeding,” Wambach said, adding, “We want kids to be self-motivated and intrinsically motivated.”
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Children with inner drive are more likely to become adults who always strive to do their best, no matter who is watching. Encouraging children to develop a sense of agency can similarly help them become self-motivated and successful adults, neuropsychologist William Stixrud said on the March 28 episode of the Raising Good Humans podcast.
“[Your]mission is not to get them to go in a certain direction or to make sure things always work out,[but]to help them figure out who they want to be, what kind of life they want, and how to create the life they want, so they can finally live their own life before they leave home,” Stickrud said.
On her podcast, Wambach recommended that when you go to your child’s sports game, don’t give them instructions on how to run faster or kick harder. Instead, they “de-emphasize the outcome of wins and losses and over-emphasize acts of leadership” by pointing out when they or other players are good teammates.
Ask your child, “What did you see as a special victory today that had nothing to do with the scoreline?” Wambach said. “Did you see your teammates cheering? Did you pick up a cone for the coach without being asked?”
Disclosure: NBC and CNBC are divisions of NBCUniversal.
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