Ten years ago, I took a one-way flight from Houston to Madrid with a suitcase and a rough plan to teach English for a year. I was 35 years old and knew I needed a change.
Growing up in Texas, the daughter of Colombian and Iranian immigrants, I never felt like I belonged anywhere. Things have changed since I moved to Spain in 2015. I have built a life here centered around community, freedom, and balance.
Along the way, I understood the logistics, visas, and mindset changes required to start over abroad. Now, through my platform She Hit Refresh, I help women over 30 find their act.
I still visit the US often and there are so many things I enjoy about coming back: my family, friends, and the annual TJ Maxx run. However, after living in Europe for 10 years, there are many things I miss about living in America.
1. Just 10 days of paid vacation
When I first moved to Spain, I couldn’t believe how normal it was for people to actually use their vacation days. Here, full-time employees are legally entitled to 22 working days of paid vacation and 14 days of public holidays. And no one should feel guilty about taking them. Come August, offices close, families head to the beach, and it’s perfectly acceptable to go away for a few weeks to rest and reset.
When I returned to the United States, I had 10 days of precious paid vacation saved up like gold. Requesting time off felt like letting my co-workers down. Sometimes I would leave it alone for days on vacation or just check my email.
The lack of freedom exhausted me. I became a chronic job hopper in my 20s, quitting every nine months just to travel for the summer. It wasn’t sustainable, but it was the only way I saw the world.
2. Dependence on cars
When I lived in Texas, I couldn’t survive without a car. grocery store? drive. Gym? drive. Life revolved around transportation, parking, and gas prices. I didn’t realize how difficult it would be until I left.
Both Madrid, where I first lived, and Malaga, where I live now, are incredibly walkable. Most of what you need is within a 20 minute walk including markets, cafes and co-working spaces.
When I can’t walk, I take buses and subways, which are clean, reliable, and cheap. For long-term travel, high-speed rail makes it easy to explore other parts of the country, even if you’re on a budget.
Sepee Tabibian in Budapest.
Provided by Cepee Tabibian
Walking everywhere reduced my stress levels amazingly. You can start your day soaking up fresh air and sunshine without getting stuck in traffic. They know the bakery, the grocery store, and even the street cat. Moreover, I achieved the number of steps without even trying.
3. GoFundMe Style Healthcare
The US healthcare system used to be one of my biggest stressors. Every doctor’s appointment felt like spinning a wheel of roulette. I had no idea what kind of surprise bill I would receive. Finding a family doctor took endless phone calls and constant worry about what would and wouldn’t be covered.
In Spain it’s quite the opposite. Healthcare is affordable, accessible, and easy. I make my reservations through an app, the wait times are short, and as a healthy 45-year-old I pay about $76 a month in private insurance premiums.
4. Sense of crisis in public places
As a woman, I feel safer walking home at night in Spain. Spain’s cities are densely populated, bright and lively until late at night with families strolling, dining al fresco and children playing in the squares.
In America, we were always on guard. Whether I was walking through a parking lot after dark or attending a crowded event, there was always a low level of anxiety about harassment and gun violence.
Spain’s strict gun laws are helping. Automatic weapons are prohibited and firearm ownership is strictly controlled. According to the World Peace Index, Spain is ranked among the top 25 most peaceful countries in the world, while the United States is not even in the top 100.
5. Turn the guilt around
Every time I visit America, I am shocked at how out of control the chips are. Even when you’re buying cookies at the bakery or using the self-checkout, the screen may flip and the options start at 20%.
Sepee Tabibian, Cadiz, Spain.
Provided by Cepee Tabibian
In Spain, where service staff earn a fairer wage, rounding up or leaving a few coins at a restaurant is a small token of appreciation, not an expectation. Also, you will never be asked for a tip for your morning pastry.
6. Extreme patriotism and polarization
One thing that has become more clear to me since leaving the United States is how deeply divided Americans are politically. Don’t get me wrong. Spain has its own complexities. Different regions have their own identities, languages, and politics, but the overall energy feels less militant.
People who have never actually seen the world do not have the idea of “the best country in the world”. The United States does many things well, but so do many other countries, including Spain.
7. Pressure to follow traditional schedules
As a woman living in America, I felt society’s expectation that I should be married and have children by the age of 35. I felt like I was behind because I wasn’t.
In Spain, where the average age of marriage is 38.8 years old (compared to 30.8 years old in the US), it is completely normal to be single and childless in your 30s and 40s. It’s great to go out to social events, bars, etc. and meet lots of people your age and older. When I moved here in my mid-30s, I didn’t feel too critical of myself for being unattached or for not having children.
Of all the things I don’t miss, this might be the most impactful. Letting go of the pressure to follow a traditional timeline has given me the freedom to create a life I love.
Cepee Tabibian is the founder of She Hit Refresh, a community and resource platform that helps women over 30 move abroad. She is the author of “I’m Outta Here! An American’s Ultimate Visa Guide to Living in Europe” and host of the podcast “She Hit Refresh.” The daughter of Colombian and Iranian immigrants, Sepi grew up in Houston, Texas, and later became an immigrant in Spain. Follow her @shehitrefresh for tips and real stories about moving abroad.
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