Psychologist Jean Twenge says the longer you wait before giving your child a smartphone or allowing them to participate in social media, the happier and more successful they are likely to be as adults.
To help parents accelerate technology adoption, Twenge recommends starting to teach children how to use technology in a safe and healthy way at least six years in advance. Starting early, she says, prepares children for a healthier relationship with online technology and helps them grow into well-adjusted, successful adults.
“Ideally, it would be great to have these rules in mind by the time kids reach late elementary school, for example, so they’re ready, because kids are getting access to these devices at younger and younger ages,” said Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University whose latest book, “10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High-Tech World,” was published Sept. 2.
In her book, Ms Twenge recommended that children not use social media until the age of 16 and wrote that children should not have smartphones unless they also have a driver’s license and are expected to “act independently”. Her rationale: These technologies are contributing to higher rates of teen mental health problems, such as anxiety and depression, she wrote.
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These comments made headlines, especially since many American parents give their children access to smartphones and social media from a very early age. In a recent Pew Research Center survey, more than half of U.S. parents said their children between the ages of 11 and 12 already have their own smartphones.
Talking to your kids about how to use internet technology responsibly before they turn 10, or even earlier if they already regularly use internet-connected devices like laptops, can help them understand and internalize the potential downsides of excessive smartphone and social media use, she says.
For example, you can discuss the types of personal information you shouldn’t share with anyone online, from nude photos to personal information like your home address or social security number. You can talk about the importance of privacy and remind children to never assume that their text messages or Snapchat messages remain private, and to never post information or opinions online that they would be uncomfortable announcing over the school loudspeaker.
Twenge also teaches children that “time is a precious resource” and advises them that if they spend much of their youth immersed in their devices instead of interacting directly with friends and family, they may end up regretting it, she says.
The aim, Twenge said, is to help older adults develop healthier relationships with these technologies as they age. But these conversations alone don’t guarantee success, she says. Because other things need to be done too.
Start a healthy dialogue, “and then introduce parental controls.”
Another key piece of advice from Twenge is for parents to set firm rules about how their children can use devices and the internet once they’re comfortable.
One of the rules in Twenge’s book prohibits smartphones during the school day and at night in children’s rooms. Another of her rules is that if a parent wants to give a child a device, the first phone should be a “basic” phone, one that doesn’t have an Internet connection but can call or text friends and family.
You can also use parental controls to guide your child’s first smartphone experience, such as setting daily screen time limits to prevent your child from binging on social media for hours at a time, and blocking adult-oriented websites and apps.
“Teach your kids that moderation is important, then set up parental controls so they don’t waste their breath,” Twenge writes.
Whatever you do, communicate your rules directly to your kids, she says.
“We’re going to have that conversation and clarify what controls we have on those phones,” Twenge said. “As an example, even if she gets that phone, we’re going to block her from downloading apps. So if she wants to put additional apps on that phone, it’s a discussion instead of her doing it unilaterally. In that case, we don’t even know what she has on that phone.”
Even if your child already has a smartphone or social media and you’re starting to regret that decision, Twenge points out that it doesn’t have to be too late to reverse those choices. Be honest and transparent about why you made those decisions, she says. “Look, I made a mistake. I’ve learned more and I’m going to do things differently from now on…”
Even if your teen’s initial reaction is extreme — “doors may slam shut,” she points out — she suggests staying firm and trying to keep everything in perspective. “Tell them: ‘You can text your friends, you can call me, and this isn’t funny anymore.’ It helps give context.”
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