We were all there. You are struggling with nursing mistakes and making tough decisions. Instead of feeling the support, you are judged and feel a second guess.
There is a psychological reason why there is advice we didn’t ask to sting frequently. Research shows that unsolicited advice can threaten autonomy and undermine what is called self-efficacy. It is your belief that you can manage your tasks.
When someone provides guidance without being asked, what your brain hears is, “You can’t process this yourself.” That’s important. This is because self-efficacy is the basis of confidence. Research directly links it to motivation, resilience and even career success.
So how do you handle unsolicited advice? The key is to calmly and respectfully acknowledge it, but never give up on your agency. There are five simple and effective ways to deal with it.
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1. ‘Thank you for sharing. Let’s think about it. ”
This is a polite way to accept someone’s opinion without locking yourself in. It maintains peace and maintains solid decision-making power with you while acknowledging the contributions of others.
This is the softest boundary, as your colleagues squeeze relative chicks about how you carry out your project or your personal choices.
Perfect for professional and personal contexts that want to stay politely but do not invite any further input.
2. ‘That’s a useful view. I prefer to handle it this way. ”
This shows you are listening to their perspective while you choose how to act with your hands. It balances respect while respecting your own autonomy, and research shows that protecting autonomy is the key to happiness, motivation and self-belief.
This is ideal if the advice giver is your senior, perhaps a boss or mentor. While sticking to your approach, you can acknowledge their authority. It helps when you haven’t made a decision yet, but know the direction you want.
That being said, if the advice comes from someone with more experience or oversight, it may make sense to follow their instructions unless you have a very strong reason. A brief explanation can be added.
3. ‘Thank you for your input. I already have plans for how I move forward. ”
This closes the loop with respect. We also made it clear that we had a direction, reducing the likelihood that they would continue to offer advice repeatedly.
Use this to repetitive and unbelievable advice like a colleague who keeps pushing “better way” to do something, or a family member who doesn’t trust you to make your own choices.
“It’s a useful view. I like to handle it this way,” so this is a more robust step-up. Because you are explicitly saying you already have a plan.
4. ‘That means a lot. Now I really value support beyond the solution. ”
This reconstructs the interactions by guiding them towards what you need. This is emotional support instead of instruction. It conveys their goodwill while protecting your sense of control.
It shines in personal circumstances, like when friends and family dive in with advice, but what you really need is empathy and someone you hear.
Research shows that emotional support often helps us feel better when we are stressed, but solution-giving can sometimes miss the mark or even backfire.
5. ‘I can hear it. If you need more guidance, please reach out. ”
This examines their efforts, but sets clear boundaries. This approach also prevents unsolicited input while leaving the door open to seek advice on your terms.
It’s useful when you need to close the conversation tightly, such as when you’re being fired on your “shoulder” at work, or when someone continues stomping on your personal life.
One important thing to keep in mind is that tone changes everything. The very same words can sometimes feel graceful or defensive, depending on how they are delivered. Aim to be calm, stable and respectful. That’s what makes these responses work.
Whether you want it or not, advice always comes. At work, at home, at the grocery line, at the gym. Your power lies in the way you receive it.
Shadé Zahrai is an award-winning peak performance educator, behavioral researcher and leadership strategist for the Fortune 500 company. She educates over 7 million professionals through LinkedIn Learning and is the author of Big Trust: Rewire Self, Find Your Confeid, and Fuel Success. Recognised as one of LinkedIn’s top 50 most impactful people, she supports leaders from some of the world’s biggest brands, including Microsoft, Deloitte, Procter & Gamble and JPMorgan through her company Influanto Global. She received her PhD from Monash University. Follow her on LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTube and Tiktok.
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