When most people prepare for their newborns, they focus on the baby’s name, sleep routine, and diapers. As a child life expert, therapist and mom of two, I did one more thing early on. I created an email address for each of my kids and started writing to them long before they could read my messages. It’s a time capsule, and one day they’re happy it exists.
It was practical to use names to protect your email address before getting a name. But I also knew deeper values. Working with families facing illness, sadness and loss, I have seen ways to cherish the memorials and words that keep children connected.
When parents remind themselves of the vulnerability of life, they often seek ways to capture memories, share guidance and support their children. In my job, I watch this every day. I’ll prepare for them.
These inboxes have become a way to build a living collection of heritage, love, advice and stories that my kids can carry with them. Over time, I was also surprised that it became a kind of journal outlet for myself.
When I write a letter to a child
There are no rules. You can practice this exercise yourself. I tend to write:
For birthday
Every year I send emails to or around their birthdays. Sometimes it is long, sometimes short and sweet.
This year I’m writing something like this: “Today I’m 3. I chose my favorite colour, green Minnie Mouse birthday. You’re intense, full of words, and I love dancing. I can’t wait to see who you are.
In a stupid and special moment
If you want to capture something that makes sense, you want to write down a quick note. It’s a certain phrase, a stupid moment we shared, or something that surprised me. Often it starts with “What I want to remember…” or “I love your way…”.
One of the emails I wrote was, “I don’t want to forget how to call you a Chicago Bear blanket. Your “Gummy Bear blanket.” ”
When my daughter finally starts to say it right, I know that I suddenly missed it – and realize how quickly she has grown and changed. These little snapshots help me maintain my normal childhood magic and sometimes even attach a photo along with words.
In difficult moments
Parenting isn’t just about highlight reels. I write about things when things are difficult. It helps me to process my feelings and shows my children that love is stable even in the struggle.
Recently I’ve been writing: “Your intense personality has been testing my limits recently, but I keep reminding you that you will use it one day. You will be taller. You will be taller.
When they receive the email
When I imagine how my kids will receive these notes one day, some possibilities come to mind. You may share your milestone birthday, such as turning 18, or during your life transitions, such as your high school or college graduation.
Of course I want to live a long, healthy life and see my children eventually grow into adults who care for me. I don’t write these emails out of fear, but I realize how important it is to capture love, memories, connections and joy.
But if life throws curveballs and tragic strikes, I know that whenever they can give them an inbox filled with reminders that they have always been seen, always known, and always cherished.
No matter the timing, they know that my love is stable and my words will always be with them.
Would you like to try it yourself?
Create a simple email address for your children. Whether they are in childhood or at school, it’s never too late to start.
Next, send one simple personal note. Let them know a bit about their personality and interests and explain who they are today. Write down what you like about them and what your hopes are for them.
From there, set reminders on your phone or calendar for birthdays, holidays, and other milestones and transitions.
Don’t overthink it. You don’t have to be a writer. Be honest and make it yours. One day, it will be theirs.
Kelsey Mora is a certified child’s life expert and is a certified clinical professional counselor who provides custom support, guidance and resources to parents, families and communities, as well as custom support, guidance and resources that are affected by medical conditions, trauma, sadness and stress in daily life. She is the private practice owner, moms of two, creator and author of the method workbook and Chief Clinical Officer of the nonprofit Pickles Group.
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