It is no secret that developing and maintaining healthy relationships is a major factor in happiness and longevity. A Harvard University survey over 87 years found that social fitness is one thing that leads to a long and happy life.
“Stew it all down, and building the right social network is definitely the most powerful thing you can do to add a good year to your life and be happy,” said Dan Buttner, an expert on studying longevity in the “blue zone.”
Buettner interviewed Vanessa Van Edwards, a psychology expert who teaches the skills of research supporters to learn “the roadmap for building the right social networks.”
Here’s what Van Edwards recommends to create a friendship that continues:
6 tips for creating the right social network
To find your community, it’s important to remember that you don’t click with everyone you meet, Van Edwards said.
“You don’t have to be friends with everyone,” she said. “You said, “Wow, I feel a sense of kinship with you. I feel a connection with you. I understand this.”
Van Edwards does not suggest trying to work friendships with people who don’t feel like you can become your true self. “I think ambiguous relationships are like “social sugar.”
Below are some tips that Van Edwards shared to create lasting friendships that make you happy:
Create a list of places to fuel you, and a place to drain you. Next, think about the same thing about the people in your life. Who will burn you? Who will drain you? Think about what your “watering hole” is. “This is a place or topic that meets you. Ideally, it’s something you enjoy doing, or you can learn to do,” she said in the quest. I promise to try something new with myself or someone else. It will be a great anecdote you can share with others. It reaches people like former classmates of your university or neighbors, invite them into your watering hole, or talk to them about your quest. Consider asking, “Have you been working on something exciting lately?” Or, “Do you have fun plans?” Be intentional about the type of friends you want to make.
“Pretend that in every room you enter, you have friends who are just waiting for you,” Van Edwards said. “That assumption makes you more confident, you have more intentions and make friends easier.”
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