A flashy vacation for other couples, expensive gifts for each other, Michelin Star Dinner can be difficult to watch Michelin Star Dinner without feeling like they’re not doing enough to keep the sparks alive in their own relationship.
But as a psychologist and husband studying couples, I always encourage people to inject novelty into their relationships. Thankfully, the fun comes in a variety of shapes, sizes and prices. And in many cases, the most meaningful form costs $0.
This is what the happiest and most successful couples do for fun.
1. They go to “microadventures”
Not every couple has the time or budget to jump on a plane whenever they feel like they’re shaking things. But that doesn’t stop the happy couple from finding adventures. They just do it locally.
Research shows that “microadventures” (sitting, day trips, and even discovering new coffee shops around town) can bring as much joy as a big vacation.
They explore the city like tourists. They bump into trails, visit bookstores and museums and check out the charm of their odd roadside. The idea is to make the sense of normality a reality.
2. They line up and do their hobbies
You love to read. Your partner is interested in video games. It may not look like a match made in heaven – until you realize you can do them together separately.
Psychologists call this “parallel play.” When a couple does their own thing, but in the same space. Instead of enforcing shared interests, they simply create a shared presence.
As a result, couples can easily remain connected without burning themselves. Low-pressure, comfortable dating supports as deep intimacy as aggressive socialization.
3. They make time for “their”
Yes, it’s important to do your own thing. However, research shows that shared hobbies and rituals are strongly linked to relationship satisfaction.
This does not mean starting a couple’s podcast or marathon training (unless it is necessary). For most couples, it’s as easy as standing game nights, Sunday morning walks, or your favorite TV show to watch together.
The key is consistency. These small sharing rituals can be fun no matter how busy a life is.
4. They play boring tasks
business. laundry. cooking. It’s not romantic at all. Finding time for fun can be particularly difficult to work with working couples and children. This is why researchers agree that intentional playfulness should be a priority.
The happiest couples I know are good at “hijacking” the mundane things. If they’re stuck on boring chores or tasks, they’ll find a playlist or show to put in the background to make it a spice. And if they’re outside the house where they’re doing surgery, they turn it into a small game or competitive opportunity.
They ensure that laughter and stupidity are always on the agenda, even if it overlaps with other tasks.
5. They respect their old traditions
Do you remember your first date? What joke you had in it? That song was once “you”?
Many people look back at the early days of relationships with nostalgia and think about how easy and simple it was to enjoy. But happy couples know that the thrill of the honeymoon phase doesn’t have to end unless they continue to respect it.
Research shows that rituals play an integral part of relationship satisfaction, quality and intimacy. Happy couples make use of this by giving them activities that once put together important places in their relationship.
Make it your point to talk to your partner, dream and joke with them in the same playful, heartfelt way that you did when you first met. It also respects that your relationship has become a lot of ways while keeping things fun.
Dr. Mark Travers is a psychologist specializing in relationships. He holds degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder University. He is a leading psychologist at Awake Therapy, a telehealth company that offers online psychotherapy, counseling and coaching. He is also the curator of Therapytips.org, a popular mental health and wellness website.
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