Psychologist Thomas Chamorro-Premuzic says “just be yourself” is bad advice when it comes to the workplace.
Chamorro-Premzic, a professor of business psychology at Columbia University, says that while integrity is often touted as a desirable trait, if you want to advance your career, you’re better off learning skills like tact and self-control.
Having high emotional intelligence, which Chamorro Premzic defines as “the ability to understand and manage oneself and others,” is a “fundamental currency” in the workplace, he says.
“That makes you more employable and more rewarding,” he says.
As Chamorro Premzic writes in his latest book, “Don’t Be Yourself: Why Authenticity Is Overrated (and What to Do Both),” published Oct. 7, successful people know how to blend “social skills, empathy, and attention to the perceptions of others.”
According to Chamorro Premzic, these are the top three social skills everyone should practice in the workplace. Or build social connections and grow your career.
1. Accept feedback
The most successful people Chamorro-Premuzic knows “look for honest, critical feedback from others, especially those who are in a position to judge your actions and feel comfortable telling you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear,” he says.
He says it’s important to ask the right questions because most people tend to give positive feedback rather than honest opinions.
Instead of saying, “How was my presentation?” Chamorro-Premuzic recommends being more specific in your query.
“The way to ask questions is: What could I have done better? What could I have done differently? What would you have done differently in my situation?” he says.
Chamorro-Premuzic said it’s important to remain calm when listening to criticism. If you don’t, you’ll never receive honest feedback again.
“It’s difficult, but if you have the courage to accept negative, constructive, and critical feedback, the gap between how good you think you are and how good you actually are will narrow,” he says.
2. Social awareness
Chamorro-Premzic says being socially savvy can have big career benefits.
A key tactic he recommends when navigating a workplace situation is to “focus on others rather than yourself.”
Being able to identify and respond to the emotions of others is a key component of emotional intelligence, he says. Socially conscious people are able to analyze interpersonal situations and adjust their behavior without seeming fake.
Chamorro Premzic calls this skill “strategic self-presentation.” “Strive to behave in a pro-social manner and take into account the expectations of other people.”
By being attuned to the feelings and needs of others, he says, you can stand out from the crowd. “Others only think about themselves, so thinking about others gives you a huge advantage.”
3. Adaptability
Chamorro Premzic says that while it’s tempting to play to your strengths, enduring discomfort and learning new skills can help you grow.
A key characteristic of successful people, he says, is the willingness to say, “I’m going to try something different, try something different, even if I don’t like it.”
We tend to think of traits like introversion, flexibility, and sociability as permanent aspects of our personality, but these assumptions can prevent us from developing new skills.
“If you limit your choices and decisions to who you are in the past and present, you will not be able to create a richer, more diverse, and more expansive future version of yourself,” he says.
Chamorro-Premzic said leaving your comfort zone may feel “uncomfortable and difficult” but will ultimately open up new avenues for your career.
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