It’s that time of year when everyone makes plans for next year. When it comes to money, we can safely say that the secret isn’t in fancy investment strategies, hot stocks, or obscure cryptocurrencies.
If you and your partner want to set just one money resolution for 2026, do this: “We both remain actively involved with our finances.”
As a financial advisor for over 20 years and running my own wealth management company for nine years, I know this is the most impactful commitment most couples can make. But many relationships lack that.
Danger of cutting
Allowing one spouse to control the money puts the family at risk. If something happens to the person who is in charge of everything (illness, death, even divorce), the other will panic. I’ve helped heartbroken spouses try to piece together accounts, passwords, and plans in the worst moments imaginable, and I wouldn’t wish this outcome on anyone.
But even in less dramatic situations, letting one overwhelmed person make all the decisions is still ineffective. You miss out on the power of two perspectives, and the unengaged spouse loses agency and confidence.
I’ve sat across from countless couples who, even with the best of intentions, lost their plans over time. Most of them never addressed the subtle changes in their power dynamics that made it easier for one partner to take the lead with finances. I often end up with only one client in a financial planning meeting, only to be told that their partner is too busy, uninterested, anxious, or overwhelmed to join us.
For a long time I didn’t understand why until it happened in my own home.
“This doesn’t work anymore”
During the pandemic, my wife, Heather, was juggling too much, trying to keep me and my two daughters clothed, fed, entertained, and safe while moonlighting as a lawyer in the general counsel’s office of a Fortune 100 company and a business consultant for an asset management company.
The physical, mental, and emotional labor she put on all of us resulted in her being cut off from our household finances. Money felt like something she didn’t have to worry about. In fact, it was the only thing I wanted to own from beginning to end, and it negatively affected our relationship.
I’m grateful that she had the courage to say, “This is not enough.” The tough conversations that followed made us reconsider what we wanted from our careers, how we would divide labor, and how we could approach money as a team.
Build a team that makes money
Talking about money is never just about money. That led Heather and I to spend two years interviewing other couples for our new book, Money Together: How to Find Fairness in Your Relationship and become a stoppable Financial Team.
Effective communication is the foundation.
Here are some ways to connect with intention, look beyond the numbers, and work towards managing your money together, even if it’s difficult.
Let’s start with an honest review. Plan a time and place with no distractions so you can focus on everything. Do you both have access to your accounts? Are all your passwords stored in a password manager? You should both have a basic understanding of your net worth. Review what you earn (cash flow), what you have (assets and investments), what you owe (debt), and what you want (goals). Let’s examine time from each perspective. Ask each of you if you have time to do what you want and need to do. You may need to rotate responsibilities and automate or outsource less important tasks to free up time for your finances. Create a regular habit. Make regular money dates non-negotiable. We recommend holding it quarterly. That way, it won’t get too cluttered and you’ll have enough space between meetings to recognize real progress. Meet your partner where they are. I’ve often met couples who end their engagements in part because one partner is less knowledgeable and insecure about money than the other. It can be daunting. Tailor your approach to your partner’s learning style and see what resonates. Get outside help if necessary. A neutral financial advisor or therapist who specializes in money dynamics can guide you through difficult conversations without bias and provide financial advice tailored to your specific situation.
When Heather and I finally reconnected over money, it protected our wallets and deepened our relationship as well. Make 2026 the year you prioritize staying connected to your finances. I know from experience how transformative it can be.
Douglas A. Bone Perth is President and Founder of Bone Fied Wealth, a New York City-based wealth management firm focused on millennials, young professionals, and entrepreneurs. He is a member of CNBC’s Financial Advisory Council. Bone Perth and his wife Heather are co-authors of Money Together: How to Find Fairness in Your Relationship and become an Unstoppable Financial Team.
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