How to give honest feedback in seconds without hurting feelings

During a heated basketball game or when you’re rushing to meet a deadline at work, you may need to give constructive criticism quickly.

Sonia Raman, head coach of the WNBA’s Seattle Storm, says taking the time to present feedback in a soothing way, such as using a “sandwich approach” where you share criticism between two compliments, is just not possible when you’re in a tight spot.

In a basketball game, “when the ball goes out of bounds, it might take a few seconds to talk to the players before the ball comes in and they move on to the next play,” Raman said. “We don’t have much time. We need to be really open and committed.”

However, delivering honest criticism in a heated moment can be risky. To avoid hurt feelings, Raman says he relies on the relationships and trust he has built with his players throughout the year.

Raman said he builds trust in a variety of ways, including one-on-one meetings, small talk during practice, and taking players out for lunch or dinner. Each relationship is unique, but the most important thing is to have genuine interaction.

“Once I make those connections and[the players]start to understand that I care and that I care about them as people, not just about wins and losses, then the conversation naturally flows from there,” Raman said.

Changing the way you approach small talk can be a simple but powerful way to build trust and genuine relationships in the workplace, leadership and workplace researcher Zach Mercurio said in May.

Instead of defaulting to conversations about the weather, take the opportunity to ask questions that show genuine interest in the other person, like, “I know you’ve been a little busy this week. How are you doing?” Or, “I heard your son graduated this week. Congratulations. How did you celebrate?” Mercurio said.

Amazon CEO Andy Jassy said last year that building trust when talking about work comes down to being honest, authentic, and open, even if you make mistakes. No one will trust you if you’re a pleasant employee or if you focus on the positives as a boss, he said.

“If you want to gain trust, if you say you have something, deliver it. If you have something and it doesn’t work, be self-critical and fix it,” Jassy said.

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