Many parents struggle with the idea that their children can access smartphones and other connected devices. How old should they be when they get their first phone or tablet? What parental controls should I use?
No matter what you decide, you need to follow one “order” rule to help your child grow into a happy and successful adult, says psychologist Jean Tunge: “There are no overnight electronics in the bedroom.”
“It’s a situation where there’s no argument that ‘I don’t need that phone in my bedroom when I was supposed to be sleeping.’ period. The end of the story. Microphone drop. We’re done.
Over the past decade, Twenge has been warning parents about the risk of providing unlimited access to smartphones and social media to young adolescents. She cites research that links its use to a higher percentage of teenage mental health issues, such as anxiety and depression.
Some other parenting and healthcare professionals have issued similar warnings. In 2023, then-US surgeon General Vivek Murthy issued an advisory warning that the risks of social media and connected devices helped create a “mental health crisis for young people in the nation.”
In her book, Twenge advocates that parents wait as long as possible before giving their children smartphones or allowing them on social media platforms. She recommends that children do not participate in social media until they are over 16 years old. You also have a driver license and have full access to your smartphone until you are expected to “get away independently.”
However, banning the device from a child’s room overnight is her first rule as it can improve her sleep habits. Doing so is “absolutely important for both physical and mental health,” she points out in the book.
“If you have the bandwidth to fully comply with only one rule of this book, I’ll create this book,” writes Twenge. “Overnight bedroom devices are very easy and cost-free.”
“Not getting enough sleep is a risk factor.”
Bedroom devices can easily cut into sleep times, whether teens keep scrolling through social media or keeping notification sounds awake, researchers say.
More than two-thirds of adolescents surveyed by Common Sense Media in 2023 reported missing sleep “occasionally” or “often” because they use phones and other devices late in the night in their bedrooms. Overall, 77% of teens have poor sleep, according to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
“Not getting enough sleep is just a risk factor for just about anything kids want to avoid, from illness to depression,” Twenge wrote in her book.
Looking at the bed screens, it is also connected to a higher proportion of adult mental and physical health issues. However, since the brain is still developing, healthy sleep habits are even more important for children. Sleep helps enable cognitive development and mental health, including the ability to learn and regulate emotions. You need to develop to grow and become a happy, healthy, successful adult.
“If you can only do one thing, (this rule) can make the biggest difference,” Twenge says.
Be honest and be sure to be strong
She says that any of the Twenge rules are likely to be met with resistance from children, especially those who have already regularly used their smartphones and other devices all day long, she says. She advises that by communicating these types of policies to your child at an early age, these types of policies can be implemented and enforced more easily.
Twenge recommends immediately have a conversation with primary school about the dangers of smartphones and the need for strict rules regarding their use. “Kids make these devices younger and younger,” she says, your child may have friends who are already using devices that are connected at that age.
Parents of older children can also set new, stricter rules. That’s what Twenge did with her own three teenage daughters after first making her laptop available for overnight use, she says. It is not easy to retrospectively establish strict rules. “The first few days can be difficult, and you might get a knocked door.”
Her advice is to be transparent but solid about your decision process. “You should be honest with your child (and say), look, I made a mistake. I know more now, I’m trying to do it differently,” says Twenge.
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