Most of us didn’t get formal lessons about how learning works, but we picked up messages about what is considered “smart,” what is worth knowing, and how to learn.
But education, built around knowing the right answer, has a catch. Life doesn’t always come with a clear solution. And when uncertainty appears, too many children freeze.
As a business school professor for the past 15 years, I have studied how successful people navigate complex issues when there is no step-by-step guide. What I’ve learned is that the ability to move forward wisely when you don’t know the answer is an invaluable skill and should be taught to children as soon as possible.
Teach your child to accept uncertainty
Every summer, when we go to the beach, I create a themed puzzle hunt for my daughter, nie, ne.
You need to try a few things to find non-trivial insights and solve the puzzle. I think Escape Room will encounter Treasure Hunt. There is little direction, so there is a lot of uncertainty and confusion.
For example, one puzzle could be a bag of Jellybeans, and children must realize that it is a clue that leads to something else. They may try to count the total number of jellybians and notice that there are different numbers of different colors. Maybe there are two purples, four blues, three yellows, one green, and more.
After that, they may try to take a second letter of the word “purple” and a fourth letter of the word “blue.”
When they were young, they quickly get frustrated: “We’re stuck! Tell us the answer.” Then they ate jelly beans and called it a day. Now they are experimenting with curiosity and thriving.
More importantly, they are learning that getting smart doesn’t always have the answer. It’s about staying in the problem, trying different approaches, learning from what doesn’t work, and working with others along the way. It’s a kind of way of thinking that builds resilience, and that’s exactly what children need to tackle the big challenges of life.
When parents accept uncertainty, children follow
If you want your child to be satisfied with uncertainty, you need to model it yourself:
Do not dismiss doubts. Let your child know immediately that they don’t know the answer and that it’s okay to feel two different ways about something. Praise them when they put their efforts into understanding something. Doubt is a sign that they are facing something meaningful and need to learn. Help generate ideas as well as answers. It’s tempting to want to solve your child’s problems, but if you step in quickly it will take away the opportunity to build critical skills. Support them by asking questions about what they can try and what will happen. Model doubts and decision making. Don’t hide your own difficult choices. If it’s appropriate for them to share, walk through your thought process with your child, show them what you’re doing to learn, and show curiosity instead of panic. Make time to play at all ages. Creative expression and imagination are the basis for essential training to navigate doubt. Activities such as music, visual art, and theater give children space to express themselves and learn about the impact of choice in a safe environment. Build healthy habits. A tired brain is a reactive brain. Sleep, nutrition, movement and strong relationships make it easier to think calmly and clearly in uncertain situations.
Summer Puzzle Hunt doesn’t fix everything. But whenever my kids move out of “Give us!” they say, “Let’s try something else,” and they build mental muscles. Every time they see me navigate uncertainty without falling apart, they are more resilient by learning how to do it themselves.
Dr. Bidhan Parmar, MBA, is the dean of the University of Virginia’s Darden Business School of Business, dean of the University of Virginia’s School of Business, and Professor Shannon G. Smith BiCentennial. He is a former fellow at Harvard University’s Safra Ethics Center and was selected as one of the world’s under 40 business school professors. Dr. Palmer is the author of “Radical Doubt: Turning Uncertainty into Sure Success.”
An adopted excerpt from radical suspicion by Bidhan L. Parmar. Copyright©2025 Bidhan L. Parmar. Printed and repurposed with permission from the publisher. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited.
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