No one is born with perfect interpersonal skills. Children learn interpersonal skills such as communication, emotional intelligence, boundary setting, and empathy by observing trusted adults and practicing with real-life scenarios in a safe environment.
As a Certified Child Life Specialist and Certified Therapist, having supported thousands of children and families, I’ve seen these skills help children build confidence, navigate relationships, and cope with stress and challenges. Over time, children who develop good interpersonal skills tend to become more flexible, adaptable, and reflective.
Here are six phrases that children with good interpersonal skills are likely to say, and what you can do to develop them from an early age.
1. “I’m upset.”
Children with good interpersonal skills have seen the adults around them name and process their emotions. This helps children recognize their emotions and feel comfortable expressing them.
You will become more comfortable with a variety of emotions, including not only happiness but also sadness, fear, and worry. As children grow, they are able to identify and process more complex emotions such as shame, jealousy, and loneliness.
2. “My brother is upset and needs some space.”
In families where emotions are openly discussed, children are more likely to notice the feelings and needs of others. They are often able to see others’ perspectives and have empathy for others.
This means being aware of the tears and suffering of others and having ideas about how to support them as friends, classmates, siblings, and colleagues.
It also applies to problem solving and setting boundaries. They recognize when they or others need time or space for themselves and are willing to give it, even when it’s difficult.
3. “Who’s going there?”
Parents who prepare their children for new experiences and discuss expectations often find that their children are more well-adjusted and socially confident.
They are comfortable trying new things and may know what questions to ask before starting a new experience. This helps you anticipate challenges, navigate uncertainty, and plan for navigating unknown situations.
Socially confident children are not fearless. They learned how to gather information and prepare in advance so they could adapt and adjust as needed.
4. “I made a mistake.”
Treating mistakes as learning opportunities increases children’s ability to apologize, repair, and try again. Perhaps their parents or caregivers have supported them through their mistakes and shown them that it is natural for them to grow, learn, and develop.
Instead of experiencing fear, they are willing to work together to fix and solve problems. You will also be more tolerant of imperfection, able to cope with difficult moments and be more flexible to change.
5. “I have an idea.”
Children who are more likely to speak up have grown up in homes where differences are respected and cooperation is essential. Perhaps their parents have provided them with opportunities to share their opinions and utilize their natural strengths and talents.
This means that children are more confident in thinking collaboratively and taking initiative, and experiences of teamwork and shared play become more flexible, creative and fun.
6. “I don’t like it when this happens…”
Good interpersonal skills are not the same as people-pleasing skills. Instead, these children can set clear boundaries about how they want to be treated. And they feel comfortable communicating their boundaries effectively, respectfully, and proactively in the moment.
They prioritize safety, assertiveness, and emotional awareness in their relationships. In addition to sharing their own needs, they listen, listen, and strive to respect the opinions of others, even when there are differences.
Kelsey Mora is a Certified Child Life Specialist and Certified Clinical Professional Counselor who provides customized support, guidance, and resources to parents, families, and communities affected by medical conditions, trauma, grief, and the stresses of everyday life. She is a private practice owner, mother of two, creator and author of The Method Workbooks, and chief clinical officer of the nonprofit Pickles Group.
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