Social media is full of images of smiling toddlers and perfect childhoods. And they also affect parents.
According to a 2024 survey of 1,000 Millennial parents conducted by Children’s Hospital of Chicago, 85% of Millennial parents believe social media creates unrealistic expectations for parenting. Additionally, 30% of millennial mothers compare their parenting success to other mothers on social media.
Despite what these platforms, and even self-help and parenting books, may tell you, there’s no one right way to raise children, says Susan Song, a child psychiatrist and author of Why We Suffer and How We Heal. “There really are no perfect parents,” she says.
Her advice for parents who feel constant pressure to do everything right:
Find fun moments and play
When you’re feeling especially anxious about making the perfect lunch for your child or getting them to do well on a math test, find time to have fun.
That might mean dancing while making lunch, singing in the shower, or painting.
No matter how you express it, “I think the more we ask adults and parents to play, the more we move away from this idea of perfection, because play is not goal-oriented,” Song says.
It’s creative, messy, and fun.
Say, “I will be the parent of C.”
Then, instead of aiming for an A in parenting, set lower goals. Today, say to yourself, “I’m going to be a parent to C,” says Song.
For example, consider your child’s eating habits. “Today I’m giving you vegetables,” she says. “Don’t eat? Don’t eat.” When you lower your standards, success becomes more attainable. You will also be able to forgive yourself if you fail or fail.
It is also important for children to allow themselves to make mistakes. It teaches children that “my parents aren’t perfect,” Song said. “And it doesn’t have to be perfect either.”
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