Working for (or for) someone who scrutinizes everything you do and demands that you do it for approval can push anyone to the brink. But don’t despair.
I’m the author of Managing Up: How to Get What You Need From the People in Charge, a professor of human behavior, and an executive coach who has coached leaders at Google, Amazon, and other Fortune 500 companies for the past 15 years.
I’ve seen firsthand how difficult it is to overcome the challenges of working with control freaks. I teach them some simple strategies to get things in their favor without feeling exhausted and frustrated every day.
If you too work for a controlling and impatient taskmaster, try these five steps.
1. Run in rough conditions
Instead of struggling for days or even weeks to create the perfect deliverable, you can do a first pass and say, “Here’s what I’ve put together so far. It’s a little rough around the edges, but I wanted to capture the core idea and structure so we can bring something great to life.”
Your boss will be happy to give you his opinion, and you’ll save energy.
2. Increase your authority
Use phrases like, “The final decision is up to you,” or “I’ll share my two cents so you can make the final decision.” This emphasizes that you know who’s boss.
Present your ideas as questions. Think “What if…” or “If we…”. Asking questions during a conversation increases the other person’s sense of control. In psychology, this is called the questioning behavior effect.
3. Overshare
Every Monday, you can send a breakdown of what you plan to work on each week, or record a quick reminder if you’re running late for a meeting. Although it can be a pain, sharing this information will satisfy your boss’s need for supervision and save you the trouble of justifying yourself later.
You can also share an update: “To help you stay informed about our progress, we have prepared weekly status notes with snapshots of recent developments.” Or say, “We’re confirming that we’re moving forward with (X). Please let us know by Friday if there are any changes.”
4. Stay ahead of the critics.
You might say, “This is how I’m going to approach (X task). Do you have any initial thoughts?” When your boss points it out, use the classic “yes, and…” improvisational technique. Agree with their opinion (“yes”), add your perspective or suggestion (“and”), and subtly assert your ideas while considering their feedback.
It might sound like this: “Yes, we understand that emails need to be more concise, and we believe that a concise context section is still beneficial for clarity, especially for people who are less familiar with the project.”
5. Ask for the compliments you need.
Try emphasizing the importance of recognition. “I enjoy hearing how we can improve, and it’s also important to know what’s working so we can do more of it. Is there room for you to share your perspective on what I’m doing right, or would you prefer to keep the focus on what needs adjusting?”
Melody Wilding, LMSW, is an executive coach, professor of human behavior, and author of Managing Up: How to Get What You Need from the People in Charge. Get her free training “5 Steps to Speak Like a Senior Leader” here.
Check out our discussion with Melody Wilding on CNBC Make It Book Club. The author recently joined us to answer questions about “Managing Up.” Scroll through the conversation in the comments of this LinkedIn post (you need to join the private group first, you can join here).
Would you like to join us next time? October’s pick is “The Five Types of Wealth: A Transformational Guide to Designing the Life of Your Dreams” by Sahil Bloom. He’s scheduled to chat with us on Wednesday, October 29th at 10am ET. Ask Bloom your questions in the comments section of this LinkedIn post (again, you’ll need to join the private group first). Or, send an email in advance to askmakeit@cnbc.com with the subject line “Question for Sahil Bloom.”
Do you have suggestions for future picks? Send them to askmakeit@cnbc.com with the subject line “Make It Book Club Suggestions.”
Excerpt from Managing Up by Melody Wilding. Copyright © 2025 by Melody Wilding. Published in the United States by Crown Currency, an imprint of Crown Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC.
