As parents, our job is to give our children the tools they need to face challenges without breaking down.
I have studied parent-child relationships in over 200 people, and I am a mother myself. My goal is to teach children how to process painful emotions and move forward. A mentally strong child knows how to control his emotions, trust himself, and bounce back after setbacks. And such strength is built within the family, in everyday moments between parents and children.
Here are 7 things to avoid if you want to raise mentally strong children.
1. Save children from all difficulties
Children develop resilience by being able to overcome difficult situations. Trying to solve every problem too quickly takes away from your child’s resilience. Allow them to wrestle with their discomfort while continuing to exist as a safe base.
How to cope: Clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa D’Amour says that children who regularly face age-appropriate challenges build stronger emotional regulation over time.
If your child forgets their homework, let them face the consequences instead of giving them a ride to school. Then discuss what you learned and how you could plan differently next time.
2. Trying to create a perfect model
It’s okay to be frustrated sometimes. But parents who raise mentally strong children don’t pretend nothing happened or blame their children for “reacting.”
Mental strength comes when you overcome problems without compromising your faith.
What to do: If they hit you hard, say, “I was stressed out and hit you hard. I’m sorry.” Your child will learn that mistakes don’t end relationships and that taking responsibility is strength.
It models the basic concepts of connection and emotional intelligence, which experts refer to as “disruption and repair.”
3. Silence big emotions
Shutting down big emotions like anger and sadness teaches children to be afraid of their own emotions. Strength comes from knowing that painful emotions can be dealt with.
This is also a place where children practice social resilience. You will be better prepared to face rejection and conflict with your peers if you know that anger and sadness will not destroy your bond.
What to do: When your child is upset, don’t say, “It’s okay.” Instead, say, “I know it really hurt. I’m here with you.” Your calm presence teaches them that feelings are not emergencies.
4. Prize winning results
Children who feel valued only when they succeed will crumble under pressure. Mentally strong children know that their worth does not depend on grades or trophies.
How to deal with it: Research shows that perfectionism in children is on the rise and is linked to anxiety and burnout in adolescence.
Avoid saying things like, “You’re smarter than this” after a bad grade. Instead, say, “I’m proud of your efforts. Your grades don’t define you.”
5. Power to store
Authoritarian parenting may seem strong, but it creates weakness. Children learn that if they cannot speak up, they will either collapse or rebel. True strength grows when people are invited into decision-making and learn that their voices matter.
This is also a way for children to develop independence. Children will develop independence while following your instructions.
What to do: Research shows that giving children a sense of control increases motivation and reduces power struggles. Let your child choose between two chores or help decide what’s for dinner. Small choices create confidence.
6. Make your children feel responsible for your emotions.
Some parents unconsciously hope that their children will manage their stress by comforting them. This emotional role reversal is harmful.
What to do: Instead of saying, “You’re making me sad,” try saying, “I’m overwhelmed. I need time to calm down.” It’s not a child’s job to manage their nervous system.
7. Glorifying burnout
Children raised to glorify productivity grow up to be burnt-out adults. Show them that strength includes knowing when to pause, recharge, and value yourself beyond a certain output.
When you demonstrate rest, you are teaching them body awareness, how to recognize stress signals and respond before burnout occurs.
What to do: Say, “I’m going to rest for 20 minutes. I feel better when I take care of myself.”
Spiritual strength is about helping children face challenges, feel their emotions, take ownership, and rest, knowing that they are deeply loved for who they are.
Reem Rauda is a conscious parenting guru and the creator of FOUNDATIONS, a step-by-step guide to healing parents and becoming emotionally safe. She is widely recognized for her expertise in child psychological safety and for redefining what it means to raise mentally healthy children. Connect with her on Instagram.
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