Neither of my parents were office workers. I failed to absorb the unspoken rules of the workplace during family dinners. But there was a constant curiosity about how influence actually works.
That led me to become a certified therapist and executive coach, study human behavior, and write my book, Managing Up: How to Get What You Needs From the People in Leader.
What I’ve discovered in coaching thousands of top performers is that even 10, 15, or even 20 years into their careers, they can still feel like they’re missing out on the playbook for being taken seriously.
If you want to be seen as performing at the next level, even before you win a title, here are six things you should do that 99% of people miss.
These principles of influence apply in any setting, including the office, family relationships, and personal relationships. The ability to package and communicate your ideas will forever change the way people perceive and respond to you in every situation.
1. Don’t just present your ideas, package them.
You may have the best insight. But if you don’t frame your message from the perspective that matters most to decision makers, it falls flat.
Stop communicating about tasks accomplished and focus instead on results. For example, “We analyzed the data and updated the slides” could become “The numbers show that if you choose option B, your return on investment is 15%.”
2. Say less to sound smarter
If you explain too much, even if you think you are being thorough, it will sound like a rambling explanation to others. More information doesn’t necessarily bring value.
Being concise shows that you are in control of the topic. If you can’t boil a topic down to its essence, you don’t understand it well enough.
Saying, “We need to cover three key areas: customer engagement, product positioning, and go-to-market strategy” and summarizing each in a few concise sentences sounds more believable than a 15-minute explanation that obscures the point.
3. Build consensus before the meeting
Get buy-in not during the important conversation, but in the days leading up to it.
Preview your ideas one-on-one with a knowledgeable expert. They reach out to you personally and ask, “I’m thinking of proposing to (X) at check-in on Friday. Do you have any concerns?” Or: “Before I bring this up to the group, I’d like to answer your question first.”
By the time a formal meeting is held, you can weed out opposition, build trust, and turn potential adversaries into champions.
4. Focus on decisiveness over being right.
Incomprehensible statements will cause you to lose credibility faster than being wrong.
Recently, an executive told me that he was laying off three very smart and talented people. “Every time I asked them for their opinion, they said, ‘It depends,’ or ‘There are a lot of factors,'” she says. “I needed them to tell me what they thought we should do instead of leaving the decision up to me.”
Leaders would rather receive clear recommendations that they can discuss than hear you hedge your risks. Give them something to react to, even if it’s not “right.”
5. Avoid making yourself indispensable
If you are the only one capable of carrying out certain responsibilities, your boss will panic at the thought of you leaving or being promoted. You’ve accidentally locked yourself into your current role because you’re too good at it.
Promote yourself by making yourself fungible. Document your process. Train second-in-commands. Show that you can build a system that allows your team to operate without you.
6. Don’t say “no” too often
You absolutely have the right to set boundaries and protect your time. But if all your coworkers say is, “No, that’s not possible,” you’re quickly labeled as “difficult” or “not a team player.”
Focus on what you can do instead. for example:
Don’t say, “I can’t meet you at that time.”
Instead, try, “I’m available at 2 or 4 p.m. Which would be more convenient for you?” Don’t say, “I can’t stay late to finish this.”
Instead, try, “I can spend another hour today and come back to pick it up in the morning.”
You teach people how to treat you at work and beyond. If you start communicating as someone who deserves to be taken seriously, others will follow suit.
Melody Wilding, LMSW, is an executive coach, professor of human behavior, and author of Managing Up: How to Get What You Need from the People in Charge. Get her free training “5 Steps to Speak Like a Senior Leader” here.
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