Building a healthy romantic relationship takes time and intention. Over time, meaningful experiences, personal disclosures, and genuine conversations create intimacy and closeness.
To truly know someone, you need to understand what is important to them, their likes, dislikes, passions, limitations, etc., and respect those characteristics, even if they are different from your own.
In fact, many strong couples come to understand their differences, recognizing that the other person’s history, quirks, and tendencies make them unique. Here are eight phrases that really close couples use when talking about each other. These should be relationship goals for all of us.
1. “They are them.”
Your partner’s mistakes are not your responsibility, nor are you claiming their successes. They are their own people who live with you and are not an extension of you.
Similar phrases:
“She’s always been like that.” “I know that’s one of his favorite things.”
2. “I’m not surprised at all!”
If you truly understand your partner, you will rarely be surprised by what they say or do. If you’re shocked by a friend’s comments or actions, you might just smile and shrug.
Similar phrases:
“Oh yeah, that’s my mate!” “That’s totally her style.”
3. “They’re quirky like that.”
Everyone has their own quirks, strange habits, and daily preferences, from the way they drink coffee to the way they fold their towels. These are little things that probably no one else knows about. But if you really know your partner, you often notice such details and feel the love there.
Similar phrases:
“I sneeze like a train!” “Hiccups are so cute”
4. “I believe them to be who they are.”
Deep knowledge builds trust. When you know your partner well, you trust them to act honestly and responsibly, both together and apart.
Similar phrases:
“She can be a little intense at times, but I believe she will make good choices.” “I know they will be respectful.”
5. “It’s a core value.”
Intimacy means understanding your partner’s basic ideas, beliefs, and principles. Even if you disagree, you can acknowledge what’s really important to them without denying or belittling it.
Similar phrases:
“I know this is something that’s really important to them.” “He’s very passionate about politics.”
6. “They have a hard time with it.”
Knowing someone deeply means understanding their fears, vulnerabilities, and emotional triggers. When these conflicts surface, we respond with empathy rather than judgment or defensiveness.
Similar phrases:
“I know this is painful for them.” “I see her struggling and want to support her through it.”
7. “You can’t change them.”
Getting to know your partner means accepting that you can’t and shouldn’t try to change who they are, even if it’s something you really dislike. True growth only happens if we choose to do so.
Similar phrases:
“They will only change if they want to.” “They’re open to us seeing this differently, even if they don’t like it.”
8. “I didn’t know about them!”
Even in long-term relationships, there’s always something to learn. When couples really know each other, discovering something new feels less like a threat and more like an opportunity to grow.
Similar phrases:
“I had no idea they felt that way.” “Even though we’ve been married for years, I’m still learning new things about him.”
Want to know more about your partner?
There are several ways to get started.
Ask open-ended questions out of genuine curiosity. Practice seeing the situation from the other person’s perspective. Be respectful when having difficult conversations. Deepen your bond by using physical contact such as hugging and holding hands. Show your presence by putting down your phone, making eye contact, and prioritizing time together.
The answer to true intimacy is simple. Every day we must understand each other and make choices.
Dr. Courtney S. Warren is a licensed psychologist and author of the new book “Letting Go of Your Ex.” She specializes in romantic relationships, addictive behavior, and honesty. She earned her doctorate in clinical psychology from Texas A&M University and completed her clinical training at Harvard Medical School. Follow her on Instagram @DrCortneyWarren or Twitter @DrCortneyWarren.
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