Many people think that getting someone to say “yes” is a matter of persuasion, making a perfect argument, choosing the right words, and asking good questions.
But decades of research suggest something counterintuitive. One of the surest ways to reach a “yes” is to give the other person permission to say “no.”
Research shows that in all situations, from marketing to negotiations to everyday demands, simply adding a line like “but you’re free to accept or decline” makes people much more likely to comply.
It taps into one of our deepest psychological needs: autonomy. When people feel pressured, they resist. But when people feel like they have a choice, they tend to be more engaged and less likely to push back.
As an educator and behavioral researcher advising Fortune 500 companies for the past decade, I’ve seen this principle outperform the hard sell. Here are four simple phrases you can use to put this principle into practice.
1. “You are free to say no.”
If you explicitly tell them that they don’t have to consent, their defenses quickly drop. Their nervous system relaxes and decisions change from compliance under pressure to spontaneous choice.
For work use:
Ask for time from busy senior leaders Ask for help from colleagues Ask for participation
For home use:
Make plans when the person you’re addressing is nervous about sensitive topics that require an emotional response.
example:
“Would you please review this today? You’re free to say no.” “You’re completely free to say no. May I talk to you later tonight?”
2. “Don’t feel obligated.”
This phrase reduces social pressure, which is a hidden factor in resentment and avoidance. Research shows that people rebel when they are expected or feel pressured to do something. Even supportive people may resist requests if they feel like an obligation.
For work use:
Asking for favors between teams Asking someone to do more than what is stated in the job description Following up on non-obligations
For home use:
Discuss emotional needs by making requests that may be inconvenient to others seeking support
example:
“I would really appreciate it if you could help me with the report I have to prepare by tomorrow, but please don’t feel obligated.” “I could use your help this weekend, but please don’t feel obligated.”
3. “No pressure.”
This phrase is especially effective when the clock is running or when performance reviews are important.
When people feel pressured to agree, they make worse decisions and have more regrets afterwards. By taking the pressure off, you’ll be more satisfied with the results.
For work use:
Set flexible deadlines Make decisions that require reflection Have thoughtful career conversations
For home use:
Discuss relationships Make parenting decisions Make big financial or life choices
example:
“No pressure at all. Just take your time and think about it. I’m ready to talk when you’re ready.” “If you’d like, I’d like to hear your thoughts this week, but no pressure.”
4. “There is no need to reply.”
This phrase protects both the recipient’s mental and emotional bandwidth. Feeling obligated to respond to even small messages creates low-level stress. Removing that expectation reduces avoidance and increases true engagement.
For work use:
Share an optional resource Submit feedback on behalf of an action item Provide information without requiring feedback
For home use:
Check in with someone in a difficult situation Share thoughts without immediate dialogue Give someone space
for example:
“I wanted to share this because it might be helpful. No need to reply!” “No need to reply. I was just thinking of you.”
All of these phrases give you a sense of autonomy in moments when you might feel threatened. In return, the people you interact with will be more sure of their actions, feel more respected, and respond more authentically.
Shadé Zahrai is an award-winning, top-performing educator, behavioral researcher, and leadership strategist for Fortune 500 companies. She is the author of Big Trust: Rewire Self-Doubt, Find Your Confidence, and Fuel Success. She completed her PhD at Monash University. Follow her on LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok.
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